Walking with God

I have an image in my mind that I am stepping from a solid plank of wood, like a balance bar you might find on a children's adventure walk, onto a bridge that's just two links of chain.
I was invited onto the balance bar by my old minister; he and his wife walked along on the ground as they watched me creep along it. I probably wobbled a few times reaching down to catch their hands, and others, who made me stable again and urged me to carry on. After four years I came to a point where lots of people's bars and bridges met, only for a short time. But there were people there who helped us by giving us better shoes, gloves, showing us how we could balance better. Showing us what to do if we lost our footing and fell. In September I'm stepping onto that chain. It might be slippery, but cliff, my last job and all the people who have helped me, have given me skills to help me balance better, to help me make that step.

Right now I am remembering the times when I have walked on the chain bridges, when they have been wet and I have fallen off, and I'm quite nervous.
I'm standing on the final board. And it feels so safe and so secure. That chain bridge looks wobbly, and a little lonely. I can see my new line manager standing on the first stoping point. It looks a long way off.
Right now, my foot is hovering over the chain. I'm waiting for a whistle to blow, or a gong to sound. I'm not going to rush.
Right now I'm looking forward. The people who have supported me are cheering me on but some won't come with me. Some have given me tin cans and bits of string that will unravel and keep unraveling no matter how far I go, just in case we need to talk to each other.

I have got a friend though. Jesus. He makes sure my rucksack isn't too heavy, I'm sure sometimes he sneaks things into it!  He stands behind me sometimes, tells me I have this, I can do this, I'm good at this and that he loves me even if I fall off.

He stands just a few steps in front of me. Like a parent waiting for a toddler to take a few steps when they start to walk. He stands next to my line manager, telling her that she's doing great! And helping her with what she has to say and do. He's by the people I am going to meet the people who have never met him just waiting for someone to say, hey I'd like you to meet my friend Jesus, jesus this is my friend, a young person I've just met, a person you know completely, but they don't know you.

Sometimes it feel like he's not there at all. When I'm tired and worn out when I have things to do but can't quite get passed the sadnesses life brings or the tiredness or even the stresses of others. He feels like he's not there. But that's when he's actually carrying me. Giving me a break from the bridges. Giving me a piggyback while I hug and wonder why he's not here too absorbed In myself to notice, until I notice!  He's always done this. The future will not change.

So as I edge along this final board, and wait for the first of September. I think it's my turn to support a few people. I'm not sure how the people who supported me mannaged! But maybe the bridges change. Maybe one day I'll not see a wooden Plank or a chain bridge. Maybe one day my mind will show me it's just in my head. It's only an image. I'm really just walking, with God.

Seriously how long does it take to start blogging again!

I was asked by a young person I have guided for a few years if I would read her blog post before she posts it. Right away I though I haven't blogged for a while!  It turns out a while is about two years!

Today is buckley jubilee day and I have to say that part of me thinks nothing has changed since the last jubilee. Or the one before that. 

But with me it has!

A few weeks ago I graduated with my diploma, reached the halfway stage in my local preaching and had a successful interview for a new job. 

These are three, quite huge things in my life! But it doesn't stop there. I've lost family members gained new friends and got back in touch with a few older ones. Two of my friends (one of whom is still blogging!) now have babies, Rob and Louise who I mention far too much are getting married, and I've been to America. 

Each of these things deserve there own post but we all know how that probably won't happen! (Two years!!!  could be worse could be five!)

All I can say is if you have been waiting for new posts, (which I doubt! You're all far too interesting to be waiting on me!) I'm sorry I took so long.  

I will try to post some more interesting blogs on the big things soon. 

So what about you? How have the last two years been? Of like me you think quite the same as usual take a look back. You might be suprised! 

Have a fantastic blessed day. 

Trish. Xx

Worthless and worthy

I'm very negative. Yes, it's something I will admit to. I find particularly when I write blog posts very view are happy (although maybe I'm wrong!) it feels most of the time that some form of disaster helps me to write and while this isn't always true I think it says something about why I write. 

I write for comfort, to get the 'bad things' down and lock them away in print, because maybe in print when they are stuck onto a page they can't escape. 

It takes a lot for me to feel something so very deeply that it reaches passed the sadness that I feel tuned to and when that thing does get through it is normally something that consumes me. Maybe an idea, or an unrealised truth. 

Today it's the latter. 

Earlier while looking for a USB pen drive I found some sandy dust amongst my papers. My first thought was that it shouldn't be there and I wondered where it had come from. My second thought was that I should throw it away. 

My third thought is happening now some twelve hours later when the truth is slowly becoming clear.

In my service on Sunday I used a piece from a book by Brian Harris. It's about how all of us are made by God from the dust of the earth and the breath of God himself. (I'll pause a moment to let the shivers go from down my spine!...)

It's a strange mixture of the precious and the useless, one that I used to underline my point and Jesus point (it was Jesus point first!) of exaltation and humility. 

We are the lowly dust of the earth. We are the breath of God. Together we are both worthless and worthy.

Milestones...

So July came and went and here we are passed August in to September.local preaching work has been passed to the tutor and deadlines are approaching, everything is a little bit stressy. All the young people have gone back to school and summer is officially over. Soon it will be October and I'll be back at cliff! (See the lack of blogs then! Or the blogs about the work maybe!)

Today's been a strange day. I've been unfocused and needing to do something active (so hopefully the unfocused -ness would go! This normally works.) 

So I went and cut a lawn, a specific one I don't just go round cutting lawns... Although...

When I got back dinner was 16minutes away so I waited ate, showered (hot and sticky, bleugh!) and then slumped. I was feeling a little down if I'm honest. I remember asking God to help me feel less miserable. It wasn't a prayer, more like a passing half comment that sweeps across your mind when your thinking but not really thinking. I tried my usual cheer ups strategies (playing guitar! Singing) and neither worked that well. 

Then my phone bleeped. I had been expecting a message from a diferent person. 

 

The text was from a friend, and greatful for the distraction I said she could phone.

"Guess what I just bought!"

Normally this is a new teddy or game or anything really.

"Go on," said I, unprepared for the next sentence.

"I just bought my wedding dress!!!!" 

If I hadn't been sitting down I think I might have fallen over. 

"Yeah?" 

I was a little suprised. And a little... 

I am this persons best friend, and I should have been there. I felt too far away. And I knew that I didn't sound as excited as I should have, there is no date for the wedding and it has been on the 'to do' list for a few years. The wedding will probably still be a while away. But! This for her was, (and too right too!) a huge milestone.  It is fantastic news. And I am excited. This made my day. This lightened up my dark mood and made me smile.

The next immportant thing is shoes! 

But as mr fiancée might read the blog I can't tell you a thing about the dress! Doh! (Pictures will appear when I am allowed to post them!)

They are both really really excited and I hope that it will stay with them for the coming months. 

Congratulations on that milestone. 

Trish. Xx

July!

It feels like July has nearly gone already and as I haven't posted  I thought I'd better correct that.

The Earlam women at the moment are coughing and sneezing. (I caught a cold and passed it on to my mum. Sorry mum!)

And my cold is lasting forever. My mum has had it half the time and has come off worse so I am hoping that it be over quickly for her. 

Tomorrow is the first day of holiday bible club where, voice permitting, I'll be singing, announcing, presenting, dancing and teaching. I hope everyone else is ready and well!

Local preaching is going well but I still have so much to learn! Now I have my new study it's nice to be able to get out of the main house and focus on what I should be doing, (which is where I'll be in a little while!) 

Other than that everything is much the same it's just a case of taking good times with the bad times and not making too much of a fuss when I feel down. 

I miss my friends in Bury, and I really could do with a break. But after last time I'm very reluctant to go. Maybe I'm holding on to the past a little too much but sometimes I think if you get hurt it's harder to forget. My fights aren't like a broken plate that gets smashed and then swept up and forgotten about. Broken plates tend to cut and scar me, metaphorically of course! 

But we keep going! So much to do and so little time! Well! I'll get back to work. 

Keep smiling! And God bless you. 

Trish xx

Cliff day one.

Most of us spend a lot of time waiting. Right now I'm waiting for the kettle to boil in a lovley room at cliff college. Day one has just ended and I am feeling very sleepy but also very glad to be here.  

I am not uncomfortable here. But maybe I will be at a few points. 

I sometimes find it funny when God doesn't even wait till you've really settled in before throwing something at you. Today I have already found a few people I hope the words I spoke to them helped. It's not my words most of the time, I just say them! 

So it's day one, and the course material have been not overly challenging. In fact it has so far been something I can embrace and enjoy which was good as I thought day one would be harder. 

The hardest thing I have found today is understanding people. We are blessed to have three Nigerians studying with us I find everyone's views and opinions fascinating. But I get cross at myself when I find it hard to understand an accent. It's fine in a quiet room but quite impossible in a noisy class. (Kettles boiled now! So let me make tea before I carry on.)

I wish I had bigger ears! Part of me wishes this wasn't the only thing  I had trouble with today. 

So, we had very near fisticuffs between two students about science and creation... And we have talked a bit about different sources which has been great from a preaching POV. 

The drive up here was also really stunning even if I did end up turning right into Stockport hospital! 

Right now though I am feeling very tired. So I'm going to break into my chocolate orange finish my tea, maybe do a little bit of my LP assignment, pop out onto the roof terrace (which is beautiful!!) and then see how comfortable the bed is. 

But first, thank you to everyone who has made it a possibility for me to be here, (even if you don't read my blog!) and thank you for all the people who have wished me well (and given me a chocolate orange!) can't wait for the morning! I can't wait to learn more!!

When the feelings gone and you can't go on,

Sunday, is a day I should mark somehow. The 1st of June.  

I had my second Cafe worship service, this time at Mold, and it was blinking hard work but utterly utterly worth every second. I'm going to be assessed on the service which is a little daunting. I loved the actors in the sketch I had written, they were perfect and I love all the young people we had there. 

But Sunday changed from a contented happy day to something, that a big part of me wants to put in a box and put on a shelf somewhere. 

I was a responder to a fatal road accident. 

I'm not putting any details down because that's unfair on others who were more involved and family's. 

But I feel very out of sorts. What I saw isn't leaving my mind any time soon. And part of me wants to not talk about it, but the other part of me does. 

I was calm there, as I normally am in a bad situation. But now I'm really not here at all. I feel like I'm still standing in the road looking and praying. Because I did pray while I was there several times. At certain points it's all I felt I could do as paramedics and other emergency service people got there. 

Help, until real trained people get there, then keep helping till they take over, then keep out of the way, unless they ask you to do something was how it worked. 

I want to know what I do now. I know the answer is carry on. Put it out of my mind but remember in case it happens again (I'm helpful at heart so if it did I would help again, but no one should have to face anything like that.)

I could have left. But for all of you who know me you know that's not me. 

Part of me wonders why I was supposed to be there. So many little things happened to get me there. 

First the service, I got asked if it would be okay for me to do (as it was first on the plan) and I said yes. I could have said no and gone with a friend to walk up Snowdon.  Secondly I forgot my wallet, so didn't fill up my car before heading home. (And I had a choice to go back and get it too) and thirdly the driver in front of me who was going slowly in a 60, if (s)he had carried on I would have turned down the normal way to avoid them, instead (s)he turned off, leaving me to go to that road. So it was my choice? Or at least fully directed for me to be there. 

So I don't normally end a blog with a prayer. But today I'm going to. 

Lord God, when life takes us down roads that are tough, please be with each of us. Please please keep all those involved so close to you that they can feel you next to them. And not just the family's but the people who responded whether from the public or emergency services. Please help all of those cope with their experience.

Through Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.