I have an image in my mind that I am stepping from a solid plank of wood, like a balance bar you might find on a children's adventure walk, onto a bridge that's just two links of chain.
I was invited onto the balance bar by my old minister; he and his wife walked along on the ground as they watched me creep along it. I probably wobbled a few times reaching down to catch their hands, and others, who made me stable again and urged me to carry on. After four years I came to a point where lots of people's bars and bridges met, only for a short time. But there were people there who helped us by giving us better shoes, gloves, showing us how we could balance better. Showing us what to do if we lost our footing and fell. In September I'm stepping onto that chain. It might be slippery, but cliff, my last job and all the people who have helped me, have given me skills to help me balance better, to help me make that step.
Right now I am remembering the times when I have walked on the chain bridges, when they have been wet and I have fallen off, and I'm quite nervous.
I'm standing on the final board. And it feels so safe and so secure. That chain bridge looks wobbly, and a little lonely. I can see my new line manager standing on the first stoping point. It looks a long way off.
Right now, my foot is hovering over the chain. I'm waiting for a whistle to blow, or a gong to sound. I'm not going to rush.
Right now I'm looking forward. The people who have supported me are cheering me on but some won't come with me. Some have given me tin cans and bits of string that will unravel and keep unraveling no matter how far I go, just in case we need to talk to each other.
I have got a friend though. Jesus. He makes sure my rucksack isn't too heavy, I'm sure sometimes he sneaks things into it! He stands behind me sometimes, tells me I have this, I can do this, I'm good at this and that he loves me even if I fall off.
He stands just a few steps in front of me. Like a parent waiting for a toddler to take a few steps when they start to walk. He stands next to my line manager, telling her that she's doing great! And helping her with what she has to say and do. He's by the people I am going to meet the people who have never met him just waiting for someone to say, hey I'd like you to meet my friend Jesus, jesus this is my friend, a young person I've just met, a person you know completely, but they don't know you.
Sometimes it feel like he's not there at all. When I'm tired and worn out when I have things to do but can't quite get passed the sadnesses life brings or the tiredness or even the stresses of others. He feels like he's not there. But that's when he's actually carrying me. Giving me a break from the bridges. Giving me a piggyback while I hug and wonder why he's not here too absorbed In myself to notice, until I notice! He's always done this. The future will not change.
So as I edge along this final board, and wait for the first of September. I think it's my turn to support a few people. I'm not sure how the people who supported me mannaged! But maybe the bridges change. Maybe one day I'll not see a wooden Plank or a chain bridge. Maybe one day my mind will show me it's just in my head. It's only an image. I'm really just walking, with God.
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