Cliff day one.

Most of us spend a lot of time waiting. Right now I'm waiting for the kettle to boil in a lovley room at cliff college. Day one has just ended and I am feeling very sleepy but also very glad to be here.  

I am not uncomfortable here. But maybe I will be at a few points. 

I sometimes find it funny when God doesn't even wait till you've really settled in before throwing something at you. Today I have already found a few people I hope the words I spoke to them helped. It's not my words most of the time, I just say them! 

So it's day one, and the course material have been not overly challenging. In fact it has so far been something I can embrace and enjoy which was good as I thought day one would be harder. 

The hardest thing I have found today is understanding people. We are blessed to have three Nigerians studying with us I find everyone's views and opinions fascinating. But I get cross at myself when I find it hard to understand an accent. It's fine in a quiet room but quite impossible in a noisy class. (Kettles boiled now! So let me make tea before I carry on.)

I wish I had bigger ears! Part of me wishes this wasn't the only thing  I had trouble with today. 

So, we had very near fisticuffs between two students about science and creation... And we have talked a bit about different sources which has been great from a preaching POV. 

The drive up here was also really stunning even if I did end up turning right into Stockport hospital! 

Right now though I am feeling very tired. So I'm going to break into my chocolate orange finish my tea, maybe do a little bit of my LP assignment, pop out onto the roof terrace (which is beautiful!!) and then see how comfortable the bed is. 

But first, thank you to everyone who has made it a possibility for me to be here, (even if you don't read my blog!) and thank you for all the people who have wished me well (and given me a chocolate orange!) can't wait for the morning! I can't wait to learn more!!

When the feelings gone and you can't go on,

Sunday, is a day I should mark somehow. The 1st of June.  

I had my second Cafe worship service, this time at Mold, and it was blinking hard work but utterly utterly worth every second. I'm going to be assessed on the service which is a little daunting. I loved the actors in the sketch I had written, they were perfect and I love all the young people we had there. 

But Sunday changed from a contented happy day to something, that a big part of me wants to put in a box and put on a shelf somewhere. 

I was a responder to a fatal road accident. 

I'm not putting any details down because that's unfair on others who were more involved and family's. 

But I feel very out of sorts. What I saw isn't leaving my mind any time soon. And part of me wants to not talk about it, but the other part of me does. 

I was calm there, as I normally am in a bad situation. But now I'm really not here at all. I feel like I'm still standing in the road looking and praying. Because I did pray while I was there several times. At certain points it's all I felt I could do as paramedics and other emergency service people got there. 

Help, until real trained people get there, then keep helping till they take over, then keep out of the way, unless they ask you to do something was how it worked. 

I want to know what I do now. I know the answer is carry on. Put it out of my mind but remember in case it happens again (I'm helpful at heart so if it did I would help again, but no one should have to face anything like that.)

I could have left. But for all of you who know me you know that's not me. 

Part of me wonders why I was supposed to be there. So many little things happened to get me there. 

First the service, I got asked if it would be okay for me to do (as it was first on the plan) and I said yes. I could have said no and gone with a friend to walk up Snowdon.  Secondly I forgot my wallet, so didn't fill up my car before heading home. (And I had a choice to go back and get it too) and thirdly the driver in front of me who was going slowly in a 60, if (s)he had carried on I would have turned down the normal way to avoid them, instead (s)he turned off, leaving me to go to that road. So it was my choice? Or at least fully directed for me to be there. 

So I don't normally end a blog with a prayer. But today I'm going to. 

Lord God, when life takes us down roads that are tough, please be with each of us. Please please keep all those involved so close to you that they can feel you next to them. And not just the family's but the people who responded whether from the public or emergency services. Please help all of those cope with their experience.

Through Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.