On trial. A.k.A. testing testing one, two,three

I have choice to make. It's a little bit silly but it could be vitally immportant. 

It's cinema club today my parents get to see a film with audio description for my mum. Most of the time I go too which is good as it's normally the latest films. 

Today is captain Philips. 

Part of me wants to go. The other half of me wants to stay and sort out more stuff for my service on Sunday night

It's my trial service. It's immportant. 

So while the house is quiet do I stay and work or do I go and watch a film I couldn't see without the cinema club. 

I made up my mind last night to stay. This morning i'm not so sure. I've got a lot on this week and could probably use the extra time. But it's something we all do as a family too. I'm probably going to stay. And I'll end up procrastinating. 

This week I have 

A hair cut (in twenty minutes)

Cinema club (Monday)

Contact club (Wednesday night)

And local preachers/worship leaders social. 

Church on Sunday morning and y7up then my trial service. 

It's six clear days away. And you might think I have lots of time add in a family who likes you to drive them

Places. (Because one can't see and some times neither can the other!) and my week gets full far too quickly. 

I also have a horrible cold. 

So that said. I'll stay home... But I want to go to see the film...

The spider.

A few nights ago, I let a spider live.
I don't particularly like spiders most days. But some days I am perfectly fine with them.
I walked I to the bathroom bare footed, and saw a spider, a quite big one, common house spider probably, they type most people have in their house over winter and give a name like Frank or Fred.

Anyone here a spider fan? 

Apparently you swallow at least eight while you sleep. (Can't remember where I heard that but still!)

Please keep warm in this cold weather. 

God bless you. XxX 

Nothing to say...

I haven't posted for a while, so I thought I'd open up a fresh blog and see what happend when I started to type. Maybe that's a little dangerous! So I got back last night from a trip to see my friends in bury St Edmunds. We giggled and laughter a lot (owing a little to good friendship, and my first drink in... Four? Five years?) I mainly have a good time when I go to see them and its not too often that I'm glad to get home.

Today is my third local preachers meeting. Which means that I've been on note for six months. I find this scary but at the same time exciting. I'm still really finding out who exactly I am! It's been a journey over the last half a year or more, and I'm learning that life experiences definately shape who you are. I've noticed I'm a little more tightly strung recently. I cry a lot more and I miss people a lot more. But I laugh harder and think more too.

Partly what I like about going away is that my pace of life increases, I have people around me to motivate me and make me move. (I didn't get up till gone 10 this morning, but I was tired from traveling) I walk at a different pace when I'm in BSE, and yes I don't have any responcerbilities except to look after the people I am with and gently advise them.
That part is one of the parts I have a love hate relationship with. I love helping people, I love the fact that I am easy to approach and talk to. I hate the fact that I have to pass on opinions, and that people's problems become mine. I cannot listen help then move on. And sometimes I have what I think would be a solution, but people don't have the time or energy to carry it out. I am slowly slowly learning to put down the problems people give me at Jesus feet. And more importantly I am making sure I leave them there, instead of sneaking back, (normally at four in the morning or there abouts, and re visiting the problems stacking them again in my arms)

I don't like coming home. I feel unmotivated for the first few days, and them family life filters in. I think it would be worse if I was completely alone though.

At the service on Sunday, the verses that hit me were :-

We must not become tired of doing good. We will receive our harvest of eternal life at the right time if we do not give up. When we have the opportunity to help anyone, we should do it. But we should give special attention to those who are in the family of believers. (Galatians 6:9, 10 NCV)

And it hit me. I am oh so tired. I'm not sure what exactly to do about that, my friend told me to pray. It's advice I've been giving people for years. Tell God what's troubling you, ask for his help. And yet I feel so selfish asking for things for me. I remember writing in high school that I was 99.5% everyone else's problems, I was tired then and I've only had a short sleep between then and now. My trips away are my miniature snoozes.  That moment when your by a river that's gently flowing, the sunshine is on your face and your dont have to go anywhere at all. Somedays I want to live like that, but if I did I wouldn't make a difference.

God calls people to not tire, to not give up. I love seeing what he helps me do, I love seeing the end result when people can have time to  sit in the sun away from problems that no longer exist because of what God has done through me.

So please God. If you've got a coffee going spare, could I have a sip? I need to wake up for you.

Faith.

Not surprisingly writing sermons and prayers and taking services is hard. This is why local preachers have a time 'on note'. 

Now yes I've tipped my toes into the preaching pool and in my mind I'm not doing too badly. I'm sharing my faith more, which makes me feel great because its like introducing an awesome friend to people, yes sometimes you get a few strange looks but most of the time people are understanding and it leads to some great conversations.

But yes it's Thursday, and I'm writing a blog, which normally means I have something to say. As per usual it's a worry blog/ a self assuring blog. 

So as you might guess I'm stuck, the words for my sermon have stopped started and stopped again. My sermon is on faith and I'm trying to have faith that the words will come but it's scary. 

Yes it's short. But there you have it.  (Maybe more on Sunday night)

Trish. XxX

Ten days.

So this week has been busy and interesting. It's been hot and fiery, hot and sweaty and just hot really. I'm not complaining I like hot weather, even when I do get headaches.
My week started I'd say maybe last Monday (so a nine day week...) when I, after going over it a few times, finally sent my first sermon to a friend to read. I also had a hair cut and a phone call. The phone call was the hospital. There is something that does scare me and that is something that I have to go through every 3/5 years (stop moaning? I wish I could but I'm scared!!!) I'm feeling alright today and I go in tomorrow, tomorrow will be a day of drinking horrible stuff and then feeling awful but on Friday hopefully I can forget for a few more years and push all my fears deep down again and bury them for a while. (In the aim of keeping this post clean and not uncomfortable I'm not gonna say why I'm going in most of you know probably anyway!)
I've not been allowed to eat properly for the last day and tomorrow I'll not be able to eat a thing, (until I get home!) obviously the whole not eating normally didn't do me any favours yesterday but more in a minute!

So my sermon, my first and probably (okay definitely) not my last one. Letting it go was like breaking a favourite toy. Painful and sad, part of me wanted to keep in safe with me and not share it, but what is the point of writing a sermon if you can't share it!  I got brilliant feed back and told to send it to our mentor, she also gave me good feedback and three points to correct. Like any actor will know words when they are read are good and powerful, but the way you put life into anything is to speak them. A sermon, as we have learnt, is for speaking. Having some acting experience I know that the best way to get people to listen is to put life into what you are saying, I try to choose my words carefully, (even if I can't spell them write!) so yes I told. Simple story and stopped mid way. Story telling is something I've found I can do, luckily Jesus was a great teller of parables! So when Sunday came I was, yeas okay nervous, but on the whole I was calm. My sermon was linked with the Buckley jubilee, and part of it focused on the band and the big booming drum (I really do LOVE that drum!) so on Tuesday when I found I was walking next to the drummer near the end of the parade, I loved it!
Looking back on Sunday though I could have done better, but for a first try I did well. (Roll on my next one!)

Friday, I had a interesting trip to see some fire poi, fire staff And fire fan users. My friend was going alone so I went with her. I'm not normally into that type of thing but thinking of the experience and the fact that one day I might need it for a sermon! I went. It was fun! I met some lovely people and my friend Amy got to meet some too people who would happily help her when she wants to do slack lining (like tightrope walking only bouncy?! It's kinda in the name!) and one guy handed me a fire staff....

For those of you who don't know, my 'oh dear it's on fire' skills are very good, so much so that I managed to set my parents house on fire with a candle and a piece of tissue as I was about to sneeze, (think 'ah ah ah...(then instead of achoo) Aggghhhh, the tissues on fire!')

But! I didn't drop it! I didn't light anything around me or catch my hair, so it was a good night!

Tuesday jubilee! The first thing that happened was I nearly got mentioned as bistres youth leader by a photographer as I was chatting to a member of our youth group and the other youth leader. 'Nothing to do with me mate!' Even though they are a little are there all wonderful!
Then I met lots of my youth group, 'Nana trish!!!' 'NANA!!!!'  And then! I found my own church sadly due to people getting older we only had about seven or eight of us walking with me and Gareth holding the banner (it's heavy and I have a fantastic tan line where the strap was over my shoulder!)

So we walked! Marched, cheered smiled and generally caused the controlled wonderful chaos that is jubilee, and then people started to go home, four-ish churches behind us were the church with a lot of my youth group members in and as everyone else disappeared soon it was just me and Sylvia (another on note LP) then 'hey nana!'  I turned to find a small knot of my youth group with there church banner (I'd been relieved of my duty as the person who brought it wanted to stop walking) so for a little while we led the procession.I always feel so proud of the young people I know they're a credit to the churches they belong to and a credit to the youth group.  Two of them are at the big conference in London and have both addressed conference.anyway Then Sylvia and I left for jubilee tea.

I had been expecting not being able to eat anything, but I was hoping to have some jelly! But no, it wasn't the right colour.

So I think that's it.  God bless you all and please keep safe in this hot weather.

Just because I haven't posted.....

Doesn't mean i haven't typed anything! I've been away for a little while but I've had a lot of busy tough days some happy some sad, here is something I bashed out on a sad night, but it was all perfectly alright in the morning.

 'Sometimes days can go well, weeks can go well and years an go well. Other times the total reverse Is true. 

In my nan's only calendars, she used to write on the Good Year or Bad Year normally according to the tragedies that had happened. If a lot of close friends had passed away it would more than often be classed as a bad year but if a lot of people had been born or wedded then it would be good. But just as one bad day doesn't make a bad week, one bad event doesn't make a bad year.

Today, my nan would class as a bad day. It's been full of memories and Ghosts from my past. It's been a awful day. But really it could have been worse.

Yesterday too would have been classed as a not so brilliant day, but does that mean I am having a bad week? 

Some people think that there is a natural balance in the world, karma. That good things happen if you do good and bad things happen if you do bad, maybe not immediately but at some point in your life. So what about people who do bad things all there lives and get great things? Or people who do good and get nothing but bad? 

Sometime life is life and whatever way you slice it things just happen. 

So back to today and yesterday. Today Louise's uncle has fallen ill (we now know with a possible urine infection) this morning was scary. It reminded me of when my mum as ill, it reminded me of all the things I can't control, but most of all it reminded me of the way I used to look after my nan. The Lord God knows I miss her. 

I've blogged before about my nan. And it's been over a year since she left. There were happy times yes but I know that looking after someone who maybe is old and can't do all the things they used to is frustrating. So what do you do when it's not your relative?

Louise's uncle isn't my uncle. He would probably be more embarrassed by my help than by Mary his sister in laws Louise's, or even Robs. 

I am not a total stranger, but I am not a close friend either. So how come when it comes to helping people like that or people in general I can normally come to a good healthy outcome?

Care for others is a service, you have to completely forget about yourself and how tired you are, how hungry you are or how ill you might be. And focus on the other person completely. 

Caring for others is tiering, rewarding and heartbreaking.

I don't have anyone to share this with. I don't have a partner a boyfriend or a husband. And today I find yell needing one. Tonight I am going to hug a pillow instead of an arm. Tonight I will cry and hurt because I was scared today, I was scared last night.

What I have is God.

This should be enough.

Some nights it's not, those nights will be tonight. 

So why on a night when all this can be avoided all this can be one existent do I find my two best friends arguing, yes they are tired. Yes they may well be upset, and yes that's the way they are. But is makes me feel so much worse. 

I couldn't lie in a bed with someone becide me that I could hug and have them turn from me because I said something spiteful. 

I'd rather be in an empty bed with no one to hug. 

But what if I can't see that I was saying something nasty, what if that's the way I am and I think there being childish? What if they are being childish?! 

What if the person I'm with is just as frayed and just as battered as I am?

Fears of The Wolf

Hello! People of the blogosphere!

So I have exciting news! (Well it's exciting for me okay!!!!)

One of my best friends, has FINALLY read my book!

For those of you who don't know I have written a book.... I've written a book!

It's called Fears of the Wolf.  (I know it's an epic name!)

But ever since she stared reading it a remarkable thing happened or started happening, she passed it on. Now people at her work and church are reading it and in my mind its exploded. My big brother (who's not my brother really but might as well be! I'll explain this later!) was the first one to read it two years ago, and that gave me so much confidence. It's a long way to be published yet but it's strange to think I now have fans!  This is one of my biggest dreams so Rob? Louise? Really really thank you! You have no clue how happy you've made me :)

Okay less of the soppy stuff!

Local Preachers training update time!

After doing seven? weeks with my mentor and other On note LP it's going okay. We were snowed off on Palm Sunday which was disappointing as I really wanted to do the service, but we made up for it this Sunday.

I'm still nervous scared and panicky, along with doubtful shaky and then full of adrenaline. But after the service I normally feel better. I'm nothing like as scared of this as I was doing my driving test. What worries me the most however, is how I feel in-between everything. I feel nothing. Just sort of empty. And I don't know what that means or if its to do with something totally different.

But now we start working through our folder of Faith and worship sessions. I'm hoping by the end of the 'On Note' section I'll have an answer fixed firmly in my head and I'll know if I'm heading up the mountain or skirting off along the sides... Who knows!

I'm grateful for any advice or prayers.  And I will try and blog more! Maybe I should have taken up blogging everyday for lent! Right! Maybe that's what I'll do next year!

Time for a sleep!

God Bless you all. XxX

Love The Occasional Trish.